Teachable Moments
Hockey is the one place my son feels normal. Lyme consumes many of his thoughts, so getting on the ice is his only escape. Today, however, was very different. He met players on his new team, and apparently, a new teammate somehow knew John has Lyme. This player is injured and was on the bench for practice. The exchange with this kid was like this:
Teammate: Wait, you have lice?
John: Huh? Umm, no. I don't have lice.
Teammate: I thought you had a disease. Leukemia?
John: No, I don't have Leukemia.
Teammate: But you have a disease?
John: Oh, yeah, I have Lyme disease.
(Kid hobbled on crutches to get away from my "diseased" son. Later on, the teammate's mom joined him on the bench. Said kid was pointing and talking about John so obviously that John was aware of it during practice.)
My son told me this story on the way home. He said it was the first time that Lyme and hockey mixed and became inseparable for him. I tried to tell him that his teammate can be anywhere from 10-12 years old, and he has to remember that most kids don't live like he does. They don't truly know what leukemia is, what diabetes is, let alone Lyme. They don't even know the Lyme is spelled with a Y. Most kids are ignorant to what this is all about. Heck, many DOCTORS are ignorant to Lyme, even the ones in infectious disease departments.
I tried to comfort him in saying as he got older, the kids would get wiser and would know more. When he's an adult, there will be more who know and understand. But see, my son is quite intelligent and thinks steps ahead of me most of the time. His response was, "Some of my family (adults) doesn't even know what this is, and don't even want to know." Sigh.
There are times in life when even the hardest things can become teachable moments. Kids ask questions and are genuinely curious. If they see a woman who is bald wearing a pink breast cancer awareness shirt, what do you do if they ask questions? Do you introduce yourself and your family to the woman? Do you encourage her on her journey? Or do you tell your kids to pipe down? Do you hustle by with your heads lowered, ignoring her? And if you avoid the moment initially, do you revisit it later and tell the kids about the woman's struggles and how hard she's trying to get well? (I'll admit, usually I assume people want to be left alone - but I always address the moments alone with my kids after the fact. I need to get better at being more friendly.)
These moments are teachable moments. We have the opportunity to tell our kids that sometimes, our bodies don't do what they were designed to do. They get confused and cannot fight disease properly. Sometimes people have to do work very hard to overcome sickness, and we should have compassion and be helpful. We can inform them that you cannot get cancer from greeting and hugging a cancer patient. You cannot get Lyme from playing hockey with my son.
Unfortunately, what could be a learning opportunity can turn into moments where we leave our kids in the dark. We inadvertently make them naive and ignorant to other people around them. Far too often, parents shove an electronic devise into small hands and encourage their kid to disengage from life around them. We can model being uninvolved and insensitive far easier than we can model involvement and sensitivity.
Worse yet from mere naivety is deliberate hurtfulness. At tryouts last week, my son's former teammate, who has bullied him before for not sweating at practice, was unhappy because my son wouldn't play where this kid wanted him to play. My son stood up for himself, and played the position he wanted to in tryouts. So this kid muttered "Mr. Lyme Disease" to my son. Thankfully, John didn't get too upset about it because he was amused that this player could be so upset merely because John was playing wing. But, I still made this a teachable moment. I told John that this player has had a lot of pressure to perform put on him by his parents. And the truth is, for the most part, kids that treat people poorly have adults that treat other people and their own children poorly.
For us, any day on the ice is a blessed day. I don't care if my kid scores a goal. I don't care if a goal scores when he's out there. It doesn't matter what team we are on. We just like to be around nice kids and nice coaches. And, most importantly, we'd not like to be reminded that basically every day is a struggle.
Teammate: Wait, you have lice?
John: Huh? Umm, no. I don't have lice.
Teammate: I thought you had a disease. Leukemia?
John: No, I don't have Leukemia.
Teammate: But you have a disease?
John: Oh, yeah, I have Lyme disease.
(Kid hobbled on crutches to get away from my "diseased" son. Later on, the teammate's mom joined him on the bench. Said kid was pointing and talking about John so obviously that John was aware of it during practice.)
My son told me this story on the way home. He said it was the first time that Lyme and hockey mixed and became inseparable for him. I tried to tell him that his teammate can be anywhere from 10-12 years old, and he has to remember that most kids don't live like he does. They don't truly know what leukemia is, what diabetes is, let alone Lyme. They don't even know the Lyme is spelled with a Y. Most kids are ignorant to what this is all about. Heck, many DOCTORS are ignorant to Lyme, even the ones in infectious disease departments.
I tried to comfort him in saying as he got older, the kids would get wiser and would know more. When he's an adult, there will be more who know and understand. But see, my son is quite intelligent and thinks steps ahead of me most of the time. His response was, "Some of my family (adults) doesn't even know what this is, and don't even want to know." Sigh.
There are times in life when even the hardest things can become teachable moments. Kids ask questions and are genuinely curious. If they see a woman who is bald wearing a pink breast cancer awareness shirt, what do you do if they ask questions? Do you introduce yourself and your family to the woman? Do you encourage her on her journey? Or do you tell your kids to pipe down? Do you hustle by with your heads lowered, ignoring her? And if you avoid the moment initially, do you revisit it later and tell the kids about the woman's struggles and how hard she's trying to get well? (I'll admit, usually I assume people want to be left alone - but I always address the moments alone with my kids after the fact. I need to get better at being more friendly.)
These moments are teachable moments. We have the opportunity to tell our kids that sometimes, our bodies don't do what they were designed to do. They get confused and cannot fight disease properly. Sometimes people have to do work very hard to overcome sickness, and we should have compassion and be helpful. We can inform them that you cannot get cancer from greeting and hugging a cancer patient. You cannot get Lyme from playing hockey with my son.
Unfortunately, what could be a learning opportunity can turn into moments where we leave our kids in the dark. We inadvertently make them naive and ignorant to other people around them. Far too often, parents shove an electronic devise into small hands and encourage their kid to disengage from life around them. We can model being uninvolved and insensitive far easier than we can model involvement and sensitivity.
Worse yet from mere naivety is deliberate hurtfulness. At tryouts last week, my son's former teammate, who has bullied him before for not sweating at practice, was unhappy because my son wouldn't play where this kid wanted him to play. My son stood up for himself, and played the position he wanted to in tryouts. So this kid muttered "Mr. Lyme Disease" to my son. Thankfully, John didn't get too upset about it because he was amused that this player could be so upset merely because John was playing wing. But, I still made this a teachable moment. I told John that this player has had a lot of pressure to perform put on him by his parents. And the truth is, for the most part, kids that treat people poorly have adults that treat other people and their own children poorly.
For us, any day on the ice is a blessed day. I don't care if my kid scores a goal. I don't care if a goal scores when he's out there. It doesn't matter what team we are on. We just like to be around nice kids and nice coaches. And, most importantly, we'd not like to be reminded that basically every day is a struggle.
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